President’s Update

7 February 2021

Welcome! And might I add, I absolute love what you have done with the place. Between your surrounds, and yourself in general, you are really tying the entire fundamental existence together. Kudos.

Enough niceties though, lets get down to some very real and very sharp brass tacks. Believe it or not – chances are you will believe it, and as you well should – the CPL Returns THIS TUESDAY. Assuming you, like me, are Asleep right now after too much vino – That is basically tomorrow night at time of posting this. It may even be tonight depending on when you read this – heck it may even be the CPL returns (future) last night (past)… Making us, the X-Men. Crazy. But in actuality – yes, Tuesday night.

I assume, you like us, are Josh Giddey about the whole thing, read: young, handsome, virile, ready to enter one’s prime, and finally, also giddy. Noting that, far be it from us to stand in the way of your path to glory, however… close be it to us (the opposite you see) to use this friendly forum as an opportunity to give you and your squads a quick little reminder of some important matters, 4 fold:

  1. With the Wuhan Wobbles still a part of our day to day existence, we will still face some COVID safe rules and responsibilities. First most, will be the sign in protocols using the Check in Canberra App. We have made a number of new sign-in sheets that will be in the foyer all night on Tuesday, and it should be very clear to all which are the CPL sheets – make sure we use those ones.
    a. Still urge players to remain socially distant – should be easy given the demonstrative growth in out pythons make it hard to get to close anyways – use the sanitiser provided, and above all else, DO NOT come if you are experiencing any symptoms.
  2. Uniforms – slight alterations in jersey are permitted until Round 10. We understand a number of teams are awaiting on the postal arrival of their new kits, if that is the case just do as best you can these first few rounds until then. We do have the CPL jerseys you can borrow – but as always these should be a last resort, and will require you signing them out to note you will adhere by the age old laws of jersey borrowing – namely: return them washed and dry the following week at 7pm, never trade your jersey for magic beans, and falling out from that – always return all jersey – never magic beans. If you are certain you will need them, best you email us to let us know so we can plan for their utilisation.
  3. Duty – As is customary with some new devilishly handsome and spruced up men in our quarters, there may be new people unfamiliar with our duty procedures. If this is the case, ask your team mates, ask a committee member, ask anyone you can find. We are all there to help. We take pride in having the more detailed stats than some other comps, so pay attention and make sure you get everyones sexy glory down onto the stat sheets – and all other responsibilities are also done seamlessly.
  4. General wonderfulness – we in the CPL are the one’s unlike the others – so they tell us. We are, as a flock, the most majestic and translucent beings to roam the plains. This results in us unequivocally: showing our reffing friends, our worthy adversaries, and our very own colleagues the utmost respect and reverence. We are all there because we are the few that the age old moniker that ball is in fact life still reins true. So let us move forward, not backward. Upward, not forward, and always triwling towards camaraderie and general league of gentleman-ness.

We are very eager to see all of you.

Top of the morning, and a very hearty Cheerio to each of you.

Chiefs by 7. Kelce a Smoky for MVP.


Lance Corporal Lawrence Funderburke
(Matt Deady – CPL President)